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Peoples Promises

There’s this quote.. from The Fault In Our Stars that Hazel says and it’s one that I’ve come to really understand and kind of love… The quote is this…

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A lot of people don’t understand the promises they make these day’s or the power they now have after making that promise. This can apply to all sorts of promises that people say such as: “I love you”, “I won’t hurt you”, “I’ll always be here”, “I’m never leaving”, “I won’t ever do that again”, “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere”. I mean we could really go on and on about promises people say that they don’t keep. And we all do it sometimes whether it be intentional, or we forgot or  because of circumstances…

But I don’t think everyone always understands either why people sometimes have a hard time believing their promises they make. I’ve had people get upset with me because I wasn’t believing they would keep their promise. It’s not that they themselves didn’t keep promises. It’s the fact that the promises they made such as for instance “I’ll always be there” or “I’m not going anywhere” “I’m never leaving” were always broken. Always. No matter how many times those people tried to reassure me and tell me not to worry that it would never happen. It did and they left and they were people I never thought would break those promises. So it’s not always them themselves that you don’t believe it’s the promises they make.  I’ve been on both ends of this. Being the person (still am) who doesn’t believe someone when they promise such as they will stay as well as the person who isn’t believed when I’ve made a promise because of their past. It hurts on both sides the fact that they don’t give you a chance to believe you and it hurts that we put people in those passions because we are and have been hurt and are terrified to be hurt again.

It’s sad that people come to a point where they can’t believe those who make promises that would keep them because of past people breaking promises or hurting them. Just because someone in the past or the majority of people have hurt you and broken promises etc it doesn’t mean that everyone is like that. But we sometimes will put up walls to see if someone will try to break them down for the right reasons, or we dare someone to prove us wrong because we want to be proven wrong that they will stay, they mean what they say or we mean something to them.

❤ #justrandomthoughts

Glass Hearts & Beautifully Broken.

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While I was drinking my cup of breath of like aka. coffee in one of my favorite mugs this morning I was remembering some thought’s I had been thinking about last night. Like how we use Broken or shattered glass  to visualize broken trust or a broken person. I was also thinking how our hearts and ourselves are kind of like glass.

In this world where there’s all sorts of things and ways we can get hurt  they  all create different cracks in the glass hearts. Some create little nicks or scratches, some  small cracks, and some things that are quite large create a giant crack or multiple. And Sometimes it takes just one small thing on that broken glass to make it spider crack everywhere or it’s one giant thing that just completely shatters. However a good majority  of the time in our lives it’s tons of little things with different types of cracks and nicks and then something small hits just the right spot at the right speed and  it spiders cracks everywhere and sometimes shatters everything and the heart or we ourselves are broken.

When glass is broken  you can’t put it back exactly how it was before. It takes time to put it back together, you may hurt yourself on the sharp edges or on the small sharp slivers  picking up the pieces and when putting it back together  It will have cracks showing where it had been hit. It will no longer be perfect and there may be pieces missing and it won’t be quite as strong as before.  It’s still beautiful even though it’s been broken  especially when the sun shines through it’s cracks. ❤

You’re still valuable and beautiful (or handsome) even though you’ve been broken especially to those who love you and are just as if not more so more beautiful than you were before especially when the sun shines through your cracks you sparkle and glisten. ❤

Power of Music.

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If you want to know someone you should ask them what their favorite song is, what song means the most to them and which song they relate to the most. People who love music don’t just love it for the sounds but for the power of the words. Same reason some people may love poetry and beautiful words because the lyrics, and words could put it better then ourselves. We sometimes find bits and pieces of ourselves in songs and quote  or even something that memories are linked to and can come flooding back from hearing one song. You can remember how you felt, where you were, what was going on, who you were with etc not as powerful as smell but it can be pretty powerful still.

A song that does that to me is one a friend told me to listen to when I was the lowest I had ever been and I couldn’t explain how I was feeling or thinking  to people but when I tried with them they got it and understood. The songs called Paralyzed by NF. (If your not into a little rap or darker songs you will not like it.) It explained exactly how I felt and I fell in love with it. So now when I think of that time around August/ October and the lowest points of the lowest, where I was so unhappy, so broken spirited, loss of hope and did good if I only cried 2-3 times a day, to the one night late after work sitting in my Jeep after balling for 3-4 hours debating whether it was worth it to keep trying or to just end it. This song takes me back to then especially that night.  In it’s own way it helped me through that time as well as some other songs. “When your happy you listen to the music when your sad you listen to the lyrics. ”

Songs can make your feel even worse and more depressed, Sometimes they destroy your motivation , sometimes they build it, sometimes they boost your mood, sometimes they put you in the pits of despair and sometimes they can help you out of the pit. Songs aren’t always “Just songs” sometimes they’re someones friend, or voice they can’t bring themselves to use themselves.

Musics a powerful thing and you can tell a lot about someone by what they’re listening to, and song’s they love the most. If you choose to ask someone what they’re songs are.. I highly suggest you really take the time to really think about the words either look up the lyric video for the songs or the lyrics themselves.  🙂

What’s your favorite song? Leave it in the comments below and I will listen to it ❤

 

I don’t want a Perfect Fairytale.

 

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Yes, yes, I admit  I enjoy watching/reading those chick flick happy ending, sappy, fairy tale sometimes corny stories and movies. But so many girls get set that’s  how they wan’t a relationship to be like or find a “Perfect guy” that says”You’re so perfect you don’t have a single flaw.” like in the movies. I however am not one of those. At one point early teen years yeah, sure. But now, I don’t want you to put me under a beauty filter and call me perfect because I am no where near perfect. I have so many faults, flaws, scars, problems, etc..  I want someone who knows and will tell me I’m not perfect but they still love or care about me. I don’t want to have promises made that are 100% chance at some point they will broken like for instance “I will never hurt you.” Because yes, you will at some point get hurt  or hurt the other it’s just bound to happen because we are all humans who make mistakes.

I don’t want Perfect I want real, honesty, loyalty, Effort, someone who pushes me to be a better version of myself than I was yesterday. I’d rather have either a dork in tin foil or a guy in blue jeans boots and covered in dirt or grease then a prince.  I know I’m a bit of an odd duck. haha But I’ve also loved the wrong people, people who didn’t deserve it. I’ve been burned more time’s than things went well. And through all those hard, terrible and sometimes okay “relationships” It’s brought me to here. I did at one point settle for I wouldn’t even call some guys more like boys. I settled for so much less than I should have and I did at times pay the price for settling my standards that low. And also after having a glimpse at a entire beautiful universe.. why would I settle for just the small earth? (May not make sense to you but it does in my lil ol brain of mine. haha) So I no longer want to let my standards get that low, I don’t want to settle for boys or being treated a belittling way. Now sometimes do I get kinda small likes for guys? Yeah, but at the end of the day or even then I ask myself would I honestly want to date them or marry them? If the answer is no then I try and just get over it and focus on something else.. Like Fictional Characters such as the Flash or Luke from The longest Ride.  haha!

So these are just some of the late night thoughts that have been going on through my head for a little while now.. But I hope you all have had a wonderful weekend ❤

 

“Feel the Fear and do it anyways.”

                                      “Feel the fear and do it anyways.” 

While I was watching one of my Absolute favorite Youtubers aka. Kalyn Nicholson she said this quote in one of her videos and it really impacted me.  

I’m someone who is scared. Scared to do things that I want to do, wish to do, etc. Partially from over thinking but just because it’s also hard for me to leave my comfort zone especially if so alone. It’s scary to do something you’ve never done before especially if there’s no one with you to do it with. Something about that just makes things (to me) seem a little more terrifying. However, since last year my goal has been to push myself out there out of my comfort zone. I have succeeded in somethings such as getting my permit and license, getting a job, quitting a job, starting Youtube,  etc. However I want to try and do so even more and to try and conquer my fears and to use the fear towards doing things. Such as trying Yoga classes with a friend, a small road trip by myself maybe, trying a totally new food, who knows. But I’m not only going to love, admire and aspire to this quote I wan’t to apply it. So, this quote is my like, “Life” quote. 🙂

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I’m someone who has a very, very and I mean very... bad memory and train of focus. Shocking, I know especially for being a girl. 😉 haha So, I write things on my arms. (Yes, I know it’s not good for me etc..Still do it though. lol) It helps me with reminders and encouragements especially doing hard times. Sometime’s it’s quotes, phrases, lyrics or symbols and I wrote among some other things this quote. ❤

I hope you all have a wonderful night  and don’t let fear stop you ❤

“You’re a rose, be with someone who isn’t afraid of your thorns..”

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So my being my deep thinking self  I was pondering on some beautiful quotes I found on Pinterest that I think go really well together in a sense..

“You’re a rose, be with someone who isn’t afraid of your thorns.” -r.h. Sin

“Light is easy to love. Show me your darkness.” R.Queen 

We all have our own thorns and darkness and not everyone can understand, love or touch us because of them. Either they don’t know how to handle someone with such thorns for fear of being pricked or they don’t know how to walk  and see through the darkness. And it’s not always easy to love someone’s thorns or love them when they’re dark side comes out. It has to also be a choice but that’s also actual love and a whole other discussion. lol

However  I especially like the quote by  by R. Queen. ” Light is easy to love. Show me your darkness.” I’m someone who I’m okay with small talk but I really love and I mean love deeper discussions, topics etc. I love learning about people’s minds, hearts, souls, passions, and fears. It’s easy to love someone when they’re happy, positive, things are going well, etc. But the real challenge and thing I love about loving people is when they’re in the dark.  And some people (I admit I fall into this)  don’t share their darkness with anyone they keep it to themselves so if they show you, it means they trust you and your special to them.   I’m not saying it’s easy to love someone’s darkness and it’s fun I am saying though sometimes we find some people we think are worth maybe getting pricked by the thorns or we want to know the darkness to know them better and to know how to be there for them.  Loving someone, truly loving someone is a choice in it’s self not just the warm fuzzy feeling that’s something I’ve learned. And I love how these quotes show this but in a different way at least to me. ❤

 

 

The best things in life…

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The best things in life are not things… They’re hanging out with your best friend taking silly pictures on Snapchat with weird filters…

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They’re talking with friend’s and people you care about till 12 or 3 am, that cup of coffee in your favorite mug in the morning, making someone smile, helping someone, watching a movie and laughing till your stomach hurts, they’re the moments in life that you wish would never end and could go back to. It’s getting your favorite food at your favorite restaurant or smelling a smell you love, or perhaps those late night drives or where you almost get stuck. Getting hot chocolate or another drink with a friend at Starbucks or giving a hug, opening a new notebook or book you’ve been dying to read, coloring in Disney characters, playing with kids or pets… The best things in life are the moment’s and also sometimes the people that are in your life. We sometimes focus on all the big things in life that we forget to cherish the small things. When in reality sometimes the small things are the big things or mean the most to us in the end. We can never get moment’s and time back and we should cherish the time we have, will have and have had. And perhaps sometimes we should all just sit down and admire the small things in life. 🙂

TBH. . .

To be Honest. . .

Things have taken a turn recently. I can’t sleep or go to sleep till about 3-4 am. And even when I do I don’t sleep well or have a restful sleep because I feel awake even though I’m sleeping.  I feel sick or like my body’s trying to fight getting sick. I have no motivation really to do anything besides watch Netflix and eat snacks.

Pretty discouraged with things in life. I have yet to find a job, but I know leaving the past one was the best choice.. I don’t know what direction I’m supposed to be going in or what direction I’m going to be taking or should take. I’ve lost people. I’m hurt. My room is a small mess again. haha And I turn 20 next Monday. Exactly a week from today, and that’s kinda scary. I’m not ready for this amount of commitment to adulting yet. haha

And I’m stumped. I don’t entirely know what to post, what videos to make, where to start in cleaning my room, or life. But I am going to try and be more positive.. Or at least try and see more positive in life.  Because I’m alive, I’m breathing, I can see, I can hear, I have almost lived 20 years and I am very blessed.

Life is full of adventures. Some are down hill and fun where we put our hands in the air and yell at the top of our lungs or we dance around while blasting fun loud music. While some are up hill where we’re panting for every breath of air we take or we’re laying in bed or writing while listening to a soft quiet playlist. Either one is an adventure some we just may enjoy more than others but both get us to the places we need to be. Right now I’m sitting on my bed while listening to my Netflix, books, and chill Spotify playlist with my pet cat Cutie.  I may try and clean my room a little bit tonight or I may try and go to bed because my stomach’s cramping and I don’t feel well. Lol

Wherever you are in the world, whatever time it is, whatever you’re going through whether it’s a good adventure , not so great, or bad adventure… Know that you always have a friend here for you. Know that it’s a bad day, week or month not a bad life. And that everything will be Okay eventually and you aren’t alone. ❤

                               “And then I realized, Adventures are the best way to learn.”

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