Toxic relationships

adventureis out there (4).pngI wasn’t sure if I was wanting to do a video on this or a blog post… Because certain situations from earlier this year have been popping up into my head or in  discussions with other people in my life.

Recently this year I decided to cut some people out of my life.. Mind you I didn’t originally  intend for it to get to that. And a huge majority of people couldn’t see why.  And I’m not gonna lie… It got super messy and a lot of hurt things were said from they’re side and they knew what they said would hurt and have some impact i some way shape or form. See, they were so used to being able to control me that they thought what they had used before would work once again.. They did everything and anything they could say or do to try and get me to come back but I stood my ground this time.

What I wanted to talk to you about is more of.. telling you some things that I learned.

Don’t kill yourself for people. (Yes, I mean this litterally.)

Don’t make yourself sick or work work yourself sick for people who don’t appreciate you or what you do, don’t truly and actually care about you, don’t do anything to help you, etc. Now, I’m not saying don’t help people or go to great lengths to do so. What I’m saying is do not physically, mentally, or emotionally kill yourself and tap yourself out for people who could care less and use you for that reason. I’ve done this.. this happened in the situation I briefly covered a short moment ago and it wasn’t good and I also don’t suggest it.

Don’t become peoples puppet  and control you

I didn’t realize how bad this one person was controlling me till they started freaking out when I wouldn’t text them within 5 seconds of getting their message. I mean Legit freaking the pop tarts out.   If they wanted me there all they had to say was something depressing enough to sound like suicide notes and I would be there. (I don’t play with that kind of stuff or take it lightly.)  They knew how to say things to get me to come back  and it wasn’t the “Oh, you’re so amazing I’m so sorry.” type stuff… No it was more along the lines of Trying to guilt trip me, make me feel like it was my fault when it wasn’t so I would then apologies to Them for something I didn’t do or wasn’t my fault. It’s messed up the fact I let them get that control and it’s even more messed up that there’s so many people in the world today who know what cards to play, say etc to get what they want and control people.

please, don’t let them..

You DON’T have to explain yourself

After this huge mess happened they wanted me to come back.. (When they told me to never speak to them again… whaat?)  They even went to lengths of getting my friends friends and our mutual friends to try and get me to come and fix things and and for me to tell them why. And people themselves asked me why. I got so used to always giving people explanations because I thought I had to. Here’s some facts for you…

  1. You don’t.
  2.  People can loose their right to know why depending on the situation (and they did)
  3. If it’s not the person the problem is with, they don’t “Deserve and explanation” cause it’s not their dang business

Cold hard facts is I had valid reasons to need space and a break which then turned into cutting them out of my life for the exact same valid reasons and then some. If anything they just validated my reasons to do so and other people saw what was going on. This relationship was Toxic, negative, and killing and draining the life out of me quite litterally.  But I wasn’t going to go try and “Explain why” because I knew these people better than anyone. I know how they would think, respond, what they would say and do and it would have been pointless. So instead of wasting  more time than I already did on trying to explain, trying to fix things etc. I stopped explaining because I didn’t have to and they lost any “Right to know” they may have had.

When you know you’re in the right, stand no matter how hard it is. It can be hard as in things people say are hurtful or they’re actions are, you may loose things etc. But when it comes to cutting out toxic people out don’t feel bad for that. No matter how hard they or others try to make you feel etc. Don’t feel bad. And try to keep in mind that the other people who weren’t involved didn’t know or don’t know how it was exactly or from your side etc and they don’t need to know cause it’s not they’re business.

NOTE:Yes, It’s okay to miss the good in those people and good times etc and not want them back at the same time.

 

Idk If I got what I was wanting to say out right or worded right cause TBH  my brains very tired haha So forgive me if this is a bit scatterd etc… But I felt like I needed to get this off my chest. ❤ Hope you all are safe, well and have a wonderful night ❤

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Life’s Roads.

1476411943652.jpgLife’s adventure can sometimes be a smooth highway road with just a few bumps on a beautiful sunny day where you can have the windows down and happy tunes playing and sometimes it’s a highway with potholes that rattle you’re vehicle and make things sound like they’re breaking, in a blizzard where you can hardly see a foot in front of you and your vehicle is wanting to slide off the road and your feeling like you are or might lose control.

Life’s roads are so unpredictable. You could be one of the best drivers and always prepared but an animal pops out or another driver hit’s you and you lose control  and crash.

Sometimes you don’t know which road’s to take. To keep going straight, turn right, or turn left. Sometimes passengers on your trip get off and sometimes you get new ones or you go solo.  However It always sucks when you lose people you care about whether it’s they got off, left, got lost, or are gone. It always hurts especially when those who you thought would always be there with you, leave. Sometimes though, you may have started out both going to the same destination but in time it changes and you both need to take different roads.  And that’s okay. It’s also Okay that it sucks cause that’s life. But instead of trying to forget the memories of the trip try and remember them and keep them they don’t have to be something bad. And sometimes you will both meet up again later on. You can’t know life’s road it doesn’t come with instructions or a map on what’s going to happen. You just have to go with what happens and make the most of it and keep going even if it sucks or you need to take a small pit stop break to re gather yourself or rest. It’s Okay.

 

I don’t want a Perfect Fairytale.

 

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Yes, yes, I admit  I enjoy watching/reading those chick flick happy ending, sappy, fairy tale sometimes corny stories and movies. But so many girls get set that’s  how they wan’t a relationship to be like or find a “Perfect guy” that says”You’re so perfect you don’t have a single flaw.” like in the movies. I however am not one of those. At one point early teen years yeah, sure. But now, I don’t want you to put me under a beauty filter and call me perfect because I am no where near perfect. I have so many faults, flaws, scars, problems, etc..  I want someone who knows and will tell me I’m not perfect but they still love or care about me. I don’t want to have promises made that are 100% chance at some point they will broken like for instance “I will never hurt you.” Because yes, you will at some point get hurt  or hurt the other it’s just bound to happen because we are all humans who make mistakes.

I don’t want Perfect I want real, honesty, loyalty, Effort, someone who pushes me to be a better version of myself than I was yesterday. I’d rather have either a dork in tin foil or a guy in blue jeans boots and covered in dirt or grease then a prince.  I know I’m a bit of an odd duck. haha But I’ve also loved the wrong people, people who didn’t deserve it. I’ve been burned more time’s than things went well. And through all those hard, terrible and sometimes okay “relationships” It’s brought me to here. I did at one point settle for I wouldn’t even call some guys more like boys. I settled for so much less than I should have and I did at times pay the price for settling my standards that low. And also after having a glimpse at a entire beautiful universe.. why would I settle for just the small earth? (May not make sense to you but it does in my lil ol brain of mine. haha) So I no longer want to let my standards get that low, I don’t want to settle for boys or being treated a belittling way. Now sometimes do I get kinda small likes for guys? Yeah, but at the end of the day or even then I ask myself would I honestly want to date them or marry them? If the answer is no then I try and just get over it and focus on something else.. Like Fictional Characters such as the Flash or Luke from The longest Ride.  haha!

So these are just some of the late night thoughts that have been going on through my head for a little while now.. But I hope you all have had a wonderful weekend ❤

 

Blog challenge/ day 16. My Proudest moment

I have a few of my proudest moments and since I can’t just choose one here’s the few moment’s. 🙂

One of my proudest moment’s was when I got out of a really bad relationship. It wasn’t I didn’t care about them, I loved them a lot. But I could no longer take the emotional and mental abuse… It was one of the hardest things I ever… EVER… did. And I’ve been so much better since I have.

Another was getting my permit on the second try. I am like terrified of tests/ quizzes. Because I have not dyslexia but another like version of it where I will know the answer the the question but somewhere between me reading the question and looking at the answers something goes funky so I click or write the answers I *Think* are right but when I’d go back with my mom and she read me the questions I’d say the right ones… So because I know how my brain like’s to take quizzes I hate doing them. So my taking the quiz and getting it on the second try I was shocked.

Keeping on the driving theme I was super proud of  myself also on the driving test for my License and passed! I was sooooooooo stinking nervous like you just cant believe. My stomach was nauseous, I was shaky sometimes light headed it was craaaaazyyyyyy! But I did it. And I am *SO* much happier with my license. Especially considering that driving is a stress reliever for me. 🙂