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Should I stay or Should I go?

Recently we were on Vacation in Cali at a camp called Iron Wood but also along the way there and back we also did some stops and had some fun exploring etc. When people ask me what my favorite part of the trip was I have two answers.. 1. Camp Iron Wood and 2. The beach/ Sea. Both were *so*  beautiful and stole my heart and breath away. I never thought I could love a place as much or as close as I do Wyoming but they do. ❤

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Now, you’re probably like “Okay nice Erin but what does that have to do with the title?”  Camp Iron wood Especially grabbed a hold of a place in my heart. It’s breath taking, beautiful, peaceful, in the middle of nowhere, has like No mosquitoes (BOOYAH!) and the atmosphere is so positive, happy, Godly, up lifting, in such a way I haven’t experienced before and don’t know how to put into words. I learned and grew a lot up there as we stayed there. The one sermon that Sunday was really good  and I got to start reading Living Original again by Sadie Robertson and both had a huge impact on me.  WE weren’t up there for a “Camp” it was more of we were staying in a guest place and could do whatever we wanted whether it be explore, watch movies, relax, etc. And the Freedom to just sit and read the book and think was amazing!

Now, Camp Iron Wood is a place where you can work at the camp while doing some “Classes” such on the bible, how to study it, apply it, ministry, and others like that while they try to help you learn your gifts God’s given you and what your convictions are and help you keep to them once you discover them for a year up to 3. I had talked to Mr. Scott (He invited us and he also works there) about the Camp and program the day we were leaving. I really wish we had gotten to really talk more about it before the day we were leaving but that isn’t what God had happen  but I’m thankful for the time we did that day, about my considering of coming up there for a One year of the program..

This is where the title comes in…

Part of me really want’s to go. I know, as well as Mr. Scott does and mentioned to me that I would learn a lot even in that one year and grow etc. Camp Iron wood feels right in a sense that I can’t explain… I believe and know it would really help me spiritually and as a person in general. It’s also an  positive, amazing, safe, encouraging, Christian atmosphere which I haven’t really had really. Another plus is I’d be around some people semi around my age that are Christians which tbh… Never ever really had that. (when I am around them I feel really weird.. I’m used to either way older than me Christians or way shorter and tend to still be learning to talk.. lol)

But part of me find’s it terrifying If I’m being honest…. Cali is pretty far away from Wyoming and I can’t *see* my parents and siblings whenever I’d get homesick or whatever. I’ve NEVER been that far away from my family for that long either… And I’m super shy when I don’t know people. Hard to believe right? haha But seriously… I only would really know like 3 ish people there.. 150% all new.  I’m not sure how I’d come home for thanksgiving, Christmas or summer cause I wouldn’t have a paying job..  I’d have to change my phone service which takes money also because I didn’t have any service from straight talk/verizon up there so in order to talk to my parents etc I would need to.  Not sure how I’d do that either. Health struggles are another.. I’ve had some more… health problems popped up recently where I wen’t to the ER and they didn’t help much but we’re trying to work on that rn. But I can’t do a lot of things and sometimes I can’t do the some things I can at all..     There’s a lot on my mind.. What if something happened to my sister? (Who was diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes last year for those who don’t know.)

I’m scared and I’m not sure what to do, what’s going to happen and etc… But I’m praying about it to see what happens etc. If that is what God want’s for me than he will make it possible etc..

Should I stay?? Or should I go??

Pills, pains, and closet’s.

                 **** DISCLAIMER****

I am NOT encouraging drug use or alcohol to try and fix problems, or to try and stop pains etc. Don’t do drugs, don’t take pills unless needed and be wise!

We all take pain meds for when our body’s are Hurting whether it be from broken bones, torn muscles, cramps, soreness, ect. And after taking them they give some relief from the pain. 

I sometimes wish there was a magic pill that could just take the pains from inside away. But we can’t really numb the pains that are inside like a broken heart, broken trust, being left, betrayed, depressed, etc. I mean some people try with drinking  or drug usage but after the drunkenness and the high wear off the pains are still there and they live in this cycle of trying to forget or numb the pain but when they Wake up its there and they try it again. It doesn’t fix things in a way it just kind of makes it worse in a way. Because your not fixing the problem your just prolonging it in a sense. Some people tell me I don’t get it why they do it and I say that isn’t correct. I have some things to I’d give anything to forget or numb the pain But I know that drugs and alcohol won’t fix them and if they do  it’s for the short term and the drugs especially can come with a huge list of horrible side affects or payments for such short term of temporary fixes. 

You cant just forget about the pain or pretend it isnt there that doesnt work because as in the FIOS movie line says 

 “Pain demands to be felt.”

 You can’t keep trying to push it into a closet and forget about it. Like the  “I can’t see you so you cant see me” thing that doesnt work with this. Lol The more you try to shove bad things in your minds closet and use that rule It’s just like the outcome of when my closet had doors and I’d stuff stuff in there and quickly close the door. When you try to  shove the bad stuff  in and quickly close the door it may bust open and everything comes out on top of you at once and that’s just one giant mess. (Aka. So much overload of crap normally leads to meltdowns. Well with me anyways.) So ignoring pain just comes back to get you. I really recommend finding better ways to deal with things. You will heal sometimes it takes longer then others but eventually you will. The atruggles just not to become bitter or hard after being hurt and healed. 

I personally prefer to try and watch Disney happy movies, listen to music partially stuff I can relate to right there and then and some to per me up a bit, read, write and eat some French fries or play with makeup. Do something you enjoy because you need to enjoy and make something good to help you when you feel like crap. 

And also  remember if you have true friends they’re there for you and will help however they can. 

Life’s Roads.

1476411943652.jpgLife’s adventure can sometimes be a smooth highway road with just a few bumps on a beautiful sunny day where you can have the windows down and happy tunes playing and sometimes it’s a highway with potholes that rattle you’re vehicle and make things sound like they’re breaking, in a blizzard where you can hardly see a foot in front of you and your vehicle is wanting to slide off the road and your feeling like you are or might lose control.

Life’s roads are so unpredictable. You could be one of the best drivers and always prepared but an animal pops out or another driver hit’s you and you lose control  and crash.

Sometimes you don’t know which road’s to take. To keep going straight, turn right, or turn left. Sometimes passengers on your trip get off and sometimes you get new ones or you go solo.  However It always sucks when you lose people you care about whether it’s they got off, left, got lost, or are gone. It always hurts especially when those who you thought would always be there with you, leave. Sometimes though, you may have started out both going to the same destination but in time it changes and you both need to take different roads.  And that’s okay. It’s also Okay that it sucks cause that’s life. But instead of trying to forget the memories of the trip try and remember them and keep them they don’t have to be something bad. And sometimes you will both meet up again later on. You can’t know life’s road it doesn’t come with instructions or a map on what’s going to happen. You just have to go with what happens and make the most of it and keep going even if it sucks or you need to take a small pit stop break to re gather yourself or rest. It’s Okay.

 

Glass Hearts & Beautifully Broken.

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While I was drinking my cup of breath of like aka. coffee in one of my favorite mugs this morning I was remembering some thought’s I had been thinking about last night. Like how we use Broken or shattered glass  to visualize broken trust or a broken person. I was also thinking how our hearts and ourselves are kind of like glass.

In this world where there’s all sorts of things and ways we can get hurt  they  all create different cracks in the glass hearts. Some create little nicks or scratches, some  small cracks, and some things that are quite large create a giant crack or multiple. And Sometimes it takes just one small thing on that broken glass to make it spider crack everywhere or it’s one giant thing that just completely shatters. However a good majority  of the time in our lives it’s tons of little things with different types of cracks and nicks and then something small hits just the right spot at the right speed and  it spiders cracks everywhere and sometimes shatters everything and the heart or we ourselves are broken.

When glass is broken  you can’t put it back exactly how it was before. It takes time to put it back together, you may hurt yourself on the sharp edges or on the small sharp slivers  picking up the pieces and when putting it back together  It will have cracks showing where it had been hit. It will no longer be perfect and there may be pieces missing and it won’t be quite as strong as before.  It’s still beautiful even though it’s been broken  especially when the sun shines through it’s cracks. ❤

You’re still valuable and beautiful (or handsome) even though you’ve been broken especially to those who love you and are just as if not more so more beautiful than you were before especially when the sun shines through your cracks you sparkle and glisten. ❤

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