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Moonlight Talks

Should I stay or Should I go?

Recently we were on Vacation in Cali at a camp called Iron Wood but also along the way there and back we also did some stops and had some fun exploring etc. When people ask me what my favorite part of the trip was I have two answers.. 1. Camp Iron Wood and 2. The beach/ Sea. Both were *so*  beautiful and stole my heart and breath away. I never thought I could love a place as much or as close as I do Wyoming but they do. ❤

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Now, you’re probably like “Okay nice Erin but what does that have to do with the title?”  Camp Iron wood Especially grabbed a hold of a place in my heart. It’s breath taking, beautiful, peaceful, in the middle of nowhere, has like No mosquitoes (BOOYAH!) and the atmosphere is so positive, happy, Godly, up lifting, in such a way I haven’t experienced before and don’t know how to put into words. I learned and grew a lot up there as we stayed there. The one sermon that Sunday was really good  and I got to start reading Living Original again by Sadie Robertson and both had a huge impact on me.  WE weren’t up there for a “Camp” it was more of we were staying in a guest place and could do whatever we wanted whether it be explore, watch movies, relax, etc. And the Freedom to just sit and read the book and think was amazing!

Now, Camp Iron Wood is a place where you can work at the camp while doing some “Classes” such on the bible, how to study it, apply it, ministry, and others like that while they try to help you learn your gifts God’s given you and what your convictions are and help you keep to them once you discover them for a year up to 3. I had talked to Mr. Scott (He invited us and he also works there) about the Camp and program the day we were leaving. I really wish we had gotten to really talk more about it before the day we were leaving but that isn’t what God had happen  but I’m thankful for the time we did that day, about my considering of coming up there for a One year of the program..

This is where the title comes in…

Part of me really want’s to go. I know, as well as Mr. Scott does and mentioned to me that I would learn a lot even in that one year and grow etc. Camp Iron wood feels right in a sense that I can’t explain… I believe and know it would really help me spiritually and as a person in general. It’s also an  positive, amazing, safe, encouraging, Christian atmosphere which I haven’t really had really. Another plus is I’d be around some people semi around my age that are Christians which tbh… Never ever really had that. (when I am around them I feel really weird.. I’m used to either way older than me Christians or way shorter and tend to still be learning to talk.. lol)

But part of me find’s it terrifying If I’m being honest…. Cali is pretty far away from Wyoming and I can’t *see* my parents and siblings whenever I’d get homesick or whatever. I’ve NEVER been that far away from my family for that long either… And I’m super shy when I don’t know people. Hard to believe right? haha But seriously… I only would really know like 3 ish people there.. 150% all new.  I’m not sure how I’d come home for thanksgiving, Christmas or summer cause I wouldn’t have a paying job..  I’d have to change my phone service which takes money also because I didn’t have any service from straight talk/verizon up there so in order to talk to my parents etc I would need to.  Not sure how I’d do that either. Health struggles are another.. I’ve had some more… health problems popped up recently where I wen’t to the ER and they didn’t help much but we’re trying to work on that rn. But I can’t do a lot of things and sometimes I can’t do the some things I can at all..     There’s a lot on my mind.. What if something happened to my sister? (Who was diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes last year for those who don’t know.)

I’m scared and I’m not sure what to do, what’s going to happen and etc… But I’m praying about it to see what happens etc. If that is what God want’s for me than he will make it possible etc..

Should I stay?? Or should I go??

Why I love Makeup.

Half makeup & half bare skin and beautiful both ways.

I’ve had some comments saying I wear makeup because I’m trying to cover up who I am. But in reality makeup is part of who I am.  I don’t just love it for the colors , looks and to hide imperfections. I love how it can be such an amazing tool in peoples lives and have such impact!  I’ve seen so many stories how makeup has helped people. Stories from girls who have severe acne/ acne scaring or other marks that make them feel insecure about themselves and how makeup helped boost their confidence. No, I am NOT saying that they weren’t or are not beautiful with out makeup. But acne, beauty marks , and etc can have an affect on how you feel about yourself. Especially in this world where perfection is such a pressured look and expectation. Have you ever looked at the youtube comments of beauty videos? If you haven’t there is Hundreds upon Hundreds of comments within the kind and sweet words of fans and subscribers that are horrible, hurtful and bullying comments about how they look.  A good majority of the time now youtubers will end up disabling the comments on videos to avoid the bullying. And going off of bullying, some girls find makeup as a way to deal with bullying both to fight against it by making themselves feel better but also to help be a stress reliever. (Makeup can be quite therapeutic tbh.)  I’ve seen several girls youtube videos on their stories and how makeup helped them through bullying or other things even through life and how it helped them gain a confidence about themselves.

Another way that makeup can be a huge impact in peoples lives is Cancer survivors or people who are struggling with it who have lost all their hair. Yes, they’re still beautiful and you see it and so do I but they don’t always see it let alone feel it. I discussed this with a dear friend of mine and she said how some women or girls would look in the mirror and they will not recognize that person in the mirror. That isn’t “Them” or the person they know.  I’ve seen several videos where a daughter or friend did a makeover on someone who had or was struggling with cancer and they had lost all their hair. Yes, that means eyelashes and eyebrows to keep in mind… And the womens faces after the makeup, false lashes, eyebrows created etc… They we’re GLOWING and their smile was different then the one before because you could tell she felt beautiful or even more beautiful.

For myself personally I used to hate my face. So much acne scaring and acne etc… I loved covering it up and evening out the coloring etc.. But eventually it and learning how taking care of your skin can help you love your skin how it is and so you can be confident with and without makeup.

Those are some of the ways makeup impacts peoples lives.  I love makeup because it can change lives in a sense. That is why I love makeup. Not just for the transforming into other characters and people, the colors, techniques,  covering things up etc… But what it can do and how it can help and make others feel.

Every women is beautiful with and without makeup. And I just wanted to share this. ❤

I don’t want a Perfect Fairytale.

 

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Yes, yes, I admit  I enjoy watching/reading those chick flick happy ending, sappy, fairy tale sometimes corny stories and movies. But so many girls get set that’s  how they wan’t a relationship to be like or find a “Perfect guy” that says”You’re so perfect you don’t have a single flaw.” like in the movies. I however am not one of those. At one point early teen years yeah, sure. But now, I don’t want you to put me under a beauty filter and call me perfect because I am no where near perfect. I have so many faults, flaws, scars, problems, etc..  I want someone who knows and will tell me I’m not perfect but they still love or care about me. I don’t want to have promises made that are 100% chance at some point they will broken like for instance “I will never hurt you.” Because yes, you will at some point get hurt  or hurt the other it’s just bound to happen because we are all humans who make mistakes.

I don’t want Perfect I want real, honesty, loyalty, Effort, someone who pushes me to be a better version of myself than I was yesterday. I’d rather have either a dork in tin foil or a guy in blue jeans boots and covered in dirt or grease then a prince.  I know I’m a bit of an odd duck. haha But I’ve also loved the wrong people, people who didn’t deserve it. I’ve been burned more time’s than things went well. And through all those hard, terrible and sometimes okay “relationships” It’s brought me to here. I did at one point settle for I wouldn’t even call some guys more like boys. I settled for so much less than I should have and I did at times pay the price for settling my standards that low. And also after having a glimpse at a entire beautiful universe.. why would I settle for just the small earth? (May not make sense to you but it does in my lil ol brain of mine. haha) So I no longer want to let my standards get that low, I don’t want to settle for boys or being treated a belittling way. Now sometimes do I get kinda small likes for guys? Yeah, but at the end of the day or even then I ask myself would I honestly want to date them or marry them? If the answer is no then I try and just get over it and focus on something else.. Like Fictional Characters such as the Flash or Luke from The longest Ride.  haha!

So these are just some of the late night thoughts that have been going on through my head for a little while now.. But I hope you all have had a wonderful weekend ❤

 

“Feel the Fear and do it anyways.”

                                      “Feel the fear and do it anyways.” 

While I was watching one of my Absolute favorite Youtubers aka. Kalyn Nicholson she said this quote in one of her videos and it really impacted me.  

I’m someone who is scared. Scared to do things that I want to do, wish to do, etc. Partially from over thinking but just because it’s also hard for me to leave my comfort zone especially if so alone. It’s scary to do something you’ve never done before especially if there’s no one with you to do it with. Something about that just makes things (to me) seem a little more terrifying. However, since last year my goal has been to push myself out there out of my comfort zone. I have succeeded in somethings such as getting my permit and license, getting a job, quitting a job, starting Youtube,  etc. However I want to try and do so even more and to try and conquer my fears and to use the fear towards doing things. Such as trying Yoga classes with a friend, a small road trip by myself maybe, trying a totally new food, who knows. But I’m not only going to love, admire and aspire to this quote I wan’t to apply it. So, this quote is my like, “Life” quote. 🙂

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I’m someone who has a very, very and I mean very... bad memory and train of focus. Shocking, I know especially for being a girl. 😉 haha So, I write things on my arms. (Yes, I know it’s not good for me etc..Still do it though. lol) It helps me with reminders and encouragements especially doing hard times. Sometime’s it’s quotes, phrases, lyrics or symbols and I wrote among some other things this quote. ❤

I hope you all have a wonderful night  and don’t let fear stop you ❤

“You’re a rose, be with someone who isn’t afraid of your thorns..”

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So my being my deep thinking self  I was pondering on some beautiful quotes I found on Pinterest that I think go really well together in a sense..

“You’re a rose, be with someone who isn’t afraid of your thorns.” -r.h. Sin

“Light is easy to love. Show me your darkness.” R.Queen 

We all have our own thorns and darkness and not everyone can understand, love or touch us because of them. Either they don’t know how to handle someone with such thorns for fear of being pricked or they don’t know how to walk  and see through the darkness. And it’s not always easy to love someone’s thorns or love them when they’re dark side comes out. It has to also be a choice but that’s also actual love and a whole other discussion. lol

However  I especially like the quote by  by R. Queen. ” Light is easy to love. Show me your darkness.” I’m someone who I’m okay with small talk but I really love and I mean love deeper discussions, topics etc. I love learning about people’s minds, hearts, souls, passions, and fears. It’s easy to love someone when they’re happy, positive, things are going well, etc. But the real challenge and thing I love about loving people is when they’re in the dark.  And some people (I admit I fall into this)  don’t share their darkness with anyone they keep it to themselves so if they show you, it means they trust you and your special to them.   I’m not saying it’s easy to love someone’s darkness and it’s fun I am saying though sometimes we find some people we think are worth maybe getting pricked by the thorns or we want to know the darkness to know them better and to know how to be there for them.  Loving someone, truly loving someone is a choice in it’s self not just the warm fuzzy feeling that’s something I’ve learned. And I love how these quotes show this but in a different way at least to me. ❤

 

 

The best things in life…

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The best things in life are not things… They’re hanging out with your best friend taking silly pictures on Snapchat with weird filters…

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They’re talking with friend’s and people you care about till 12 or 3 am, that cup of coffee in your favorite mug in the morning, making someone smile, helping someone, watching a movie and laughing till your stomach hurts, they’re the moments in life that you wish would never end and could go back to. It’s getting your favorite food at your favorite restaurant or smelling a smell you love, or perhaps those late night drives or where you almost get stuck. Getting hot chocolate or another drink with a friend at Starbucks or giving a hug, opening a new notebook or book you’ve been dying to read, coloring in Disney characters, playing with kids or pets… The best things in life are the moment’s and also sometimes the people that are in your life. We sometimes focus on all the big things in life that we forget to cherish the small things. When in reality sometimes the small things are the big things or mean the most to us in the end. We can never get moment’s and time back and we should cherish the time we have, will have and have had. And perhaps sometimes we should all just sit down and admire the small things in life. 🙂

TBH. . .

To be Honest. . .

Things have taken a turn recently. I can’t sleep or go to sleep till about 3-4 am. And even when I do I don’t sleep well or have a restful sleep because I feel awake even though I’m sleeping.  I feel sick or like my body’s trying to fight getting sick. I have no motivation really to do anything besides watch Netflix and eat snacks.

Pretty discouraged with things in life. I have yet to find a job, but I know leaving the past one was the best choice.. I don’t know what direction I’m supposed to be going in or what direction I’m going to be taking or should take. I’ve lost people. I’m hurt. My room is a small mess again. haha And I turn 20 next Monday. Exactly a week from today, and that’s kinda scary. I’m not ready for this amount of commitment to adulting yet. haha

And I’m stumped. I don’t entirely know what to post, what videos to make, where to start in cleaning my room, or life. But I am going to try and be more positive.. Or at least try and see more positive in life.  Because I’m alive, I’m breathing, I can see, I can hear, I have almost lived 20 years and I am very blessed.

Life is full of adventures. Some are down hill and fun where we put our hands in the air and yell at the top of our lungs or we dance around while blasting fun loud music. While some are up hill where we’re panting for every breath of air we take or we’re laying in bed or writing while listening to a soft quiet playlist. Either one is an adventure some we just may enjoy more than others but both get us to the places we need to be. Right now I’m sitting on my bed while listening to my Netflix, books, and chill Spotify playlist with my pet cat Cutie.  I may try and clean my room a little bit tonight or I may try and go to bed because my stomach’s cramping and I don’t feel well. Lol

Wherever you are in the world, whatever time it is, whatever you’re going through whether it’s a good adventure , not so great, or bad adventure… Know that you always have a friend here for you. Know that it’s a bad day, week or month not a bad life. And that everything will be Okay eventually and you aren’t alone. ❤

                               “And then I realized, Adventures are the best way to learn.”

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