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Toxic relationships

adventureis out there (4).pngI wasn’t sure if I was wanting to do a video on this or a blog post… Because certain situations from earlier this year have been popping up into my head or in  discussions with other people in my life.

Recently this year I decided to cut some people out of my life.. Mind you I didn’t originally  intend for it to get to that. And a huge majority of people couldn’t see why.  And I’m not gonna lie… It got super messy and a lot of hurt things were said from they’re side and they knew what they said would hurt and have some impact i some way shape or form. See, they were so used to being able to control me that they thought what they had used before would work once again.. They did everything and anything they could say or do to try and get me to come back but I stood my ground this time.

What I wanted to talk to you about is more of.. telling you some things that I learned.

Don’t kill yourself for people. (Yes, I mean this litterally.)

Don’t make yourself sick or work work yourself sick for people who don’t appreciate you or what you do, don’t truly and actually care about you, don’t do anything to help you, etc. Now, I’m not saying don’t help people or go to great lengths to do so. What I’m saying is do not physically, mentally, or emotionally kill yourself and tap yourself out for people who could care less and use you for that reason. I’ve done this.. this happened in the situation I briefly covered a short moment ago and it wasn’t good and I also don’t suggest it.

Don’t become peoples puppet  and control you

I didn’t realize how bad this one person was controlling me till they started freaking out when I wouldn’t text them within 5 seconds of getting their message. I mean Legit freaking the pop tarts out.   If they wanted me there all they had to say was something depressing enough to sound like suicide notes and I would be there. (I don’t play with that kind of stuff or take it lightly.)  They knew how to say things to get me to come back  and it wasn’t the “Oh, you’re so amazing I’m so sorry.” type stuff… No it was more along the lines of Trying to guilt trip me, make me feel like it was my fault when it wasn’t so I would then apologies to Them for something I didn’t do or wasn’t my fault. It’s messed up the fact I let them get that control and it’s even more messed up that there’s so many people in the world today who know what cards to play, say etc to get what they want and control people.

please, don’t let them..

You DON’T have to explain yourself

After this huge mess happened they wanted me to come back.. (When they told me to never speak to them again… whaat?)  They even went to lengths of getting my friends friends and our mutual friends to try and get me to come and fix things and and for me to tell them why. And people themselves asked me why. I got so used to always giving people explanations because I thought I had to. Here’s some facts for you…

  1. You don’t.
  2.  People can loose their right to know why depending on the situation (and they did)
  3. If it’s not the person the problem is with, they don’t “Deserve and explanation” cause it’s not their dang business

Cold hard facts is I had valid reasons to need space and a break which then turned into cutting them out of my life for the exact same valid reasons and then some. If anything they just validated my reasons to do so and other people saw what was going on. This relationship was Toxic, negative, and killing and draining the life out of me quite litterally.  But I wasn’t going to go try and “Explain why” because I knew these people better than anyone. I know how they would think, respond, what they would say and do and it would have been pointless. So instead of wasting  more time than I already did on trying to explain, trying to fix things etc. I stopped explaining because I didn’t have to and they lost any “Right to know” they may have had.

When you know you’re in the right, stand no matter how hard it is. It can be hard as in things people say are hurtful or they’re actions are, you may loose things etc. But when it comes to cutting out toxic people out don’t feel bad for that. No matter how hard they or others try to make you feel etc. Don’t feel bad. And try to keep in mind that the other people who weren’t involved didn’t know or don’t know how it was exactly or from your side etc and they don’t need to know cause it’s not they’re business.

NOTE:Yes, It’s okay to miss the good in those people and good times etc and not want them back at the same time.

 

Idk If I got what I was wanting to say out right or worded right cause TBH  my brains very tired haha So forgive me if this is a bit scatterd etc… But I felt like I needed to get this off my chest. ❤ Hope you all are safe, well and have a wonderful night ❤

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Time.

October 17th 2017.png

Time.. I believe I’ve done a post before about it. But once again it’s on my mind.

I think time is one of the scariest things if we’re being honest.  There’s a quote in the movie Fox and the Hound and it’s where Big Mama (The owl) tells the Fox “Darlin’ forever is a long time, and time has a way of changing things.” Now, granted that doesn’t mean it always turns out bad  but.. there is always that possibility and fear. And it doesn’t even have to mean long period of times like years either it could be months, days, weeks etc. I’ve definitely had this experience a few times that definitely did not feel like the best changes they were more along whiplash type changes that happened so fast it took a bit for it to even sink in what had happened and when it did it freaking and boy it

S U C K E D. 

Caring about someone very much, very deeply, in a way you haven’t with someone else before and they cared about you as well one day then the next drop it, lose feelings and go MIA is… I don’t even know how to explain it other then it was like feeling version of whiplash.

Where once a girl was to scared to stand up to people who tried walking all over her for the most of her life… at age 20 she now has the courage to stand and say NO.

One day she’s fine, happy dancing, singing, being silly and annoying… The next she’s being driven to Children’s Primary because her blood sugar was 474 and her body was trying to go into a coma to where she and your parents were gone for a week while you handled the house.

Beginning of makeup stages… Blue eye shadow all. over.  Now a few years later can do cut crease and mostly even wing eyeliner.

One day a annoyingly positive, shy, very insecure, girl the next time you look in the mirror she’s more comfortable in her skin, slightly more confident, negative in her personal life but positive for others,  young women with so much baggage.

Long distance relationships where they’re gone all the time What if they lose feelings? What if they find someone else? What if they stop missing me? What if they’re tired of me wanting as much time with just them as I possibly can get?  What if  the distance drives us apart? What if  they can’t take this anymore through time?

Time does have a way of changing things and it’s scary not knowing how it will change things. And sometimes it’s hard not to ask the What IF question but it can honestly hurt things and relationships to keep focusing on the what ifs than the what is or what are.

I’m not saying I do this all the time but I do try not to.. I just sometimes lose. haha But that’s part of life is time, unknown, losing battles and or wining them as well as Change.

I think that’s why most people are scared of time is simply because most often Time equals change in some shape and or form.

And it’s O K A Y to be scared because Everyone gets scared. We just can’t let being scared win and keep us  from things because in the end everything will be Okay. ❤

 

#Justthoughts

Guys… I have an addiction… 

For those of you who don’t follow my Instagram…. You may not know this… I have an addiction. It’s been for a small while now… But you need to know about it. Its called.. Body candy.

Thats right! I’m addicted to Body Candy !

For those who dont know what body candy is.. Body Candy is a piercing jewelry and a few odds n ends  shopping website! They’re affordable, amazing quality, super cute, Pretty, awesome jewelry designs for multiple types of piercings! They’ve got from regular ear piercings, cartilage piercings, tragus piercing, belly button, nipples, gages, to tongue etc! Not to mention they’ve got some necklaces, rings, belt buckles, sticker tats and some other randoms. They also have spend $24.99+ get free standard shipping and if you follow them on Snapchat they have coupons going on a lot, awesome sales and have an awesome awards/ point system! 

I’ve gotten a total of 3 orders from them (at least right as of this post haha!) First one I picked out some belly button rings for my newest addition and grabbed the mystery bag as well. Second order I just grabbed a necklace and a cartilage earing, and the recent one was.. Well… Huge. Haha! Tons of belly rings and 4 cartilage earrings. 😁 

This is all the belly rings I’ve gotten so far:  

💋 Four dangle belly rings 

💋 8 basic Banana bar rings

💋 6 Decorated bars.(? I dont know how else to describe them. They’re not dangles but they have decorations. Lol! Forgive my terrible word choices today 😂)

💋Red cartilage, tragus, etc stud

💋 Pistols & Handcuffs necklace ❤ (I hardly take this off!)

💋Black Jewl Key cartilage, tragus, etc

💋 2 Heart Hoops

💋Lil black hanger hoop

Long time no post..

 

Hey guys, long time no chat.

I’ve gotta say, this feels pretty weird sitting here writing a blog post after being MIA for a while.  I won’t lie, a lot has happened. What was even weirder was I didn’t feel like writing even in the darkest of what’s happened and those of you who saw some of  my past posts may know that’s typically when I do write the best or would want to is when things go wrong, or I’m hurt or whatever reason. But I decided now to get back to it but like I said I won’t lie… I don’t have full motivation back for blogging or doing videos. But I think it would be good for me to have a outlet to let things out and talk as well as it may help others not just myself. lol So here we are! Hope things with everyone have been good and if they haven’t it’s okay, your not alone and we will get through the bad days. 🙂

On good news I decided to do some tags and challenges. So stay tuned for those!

Hope you all have a fantastic morning and I’ll talk to you in the next post! ❤

Explore & Live

I’m someone who hated traveling. Lol I did I hated leaving my comfort zone of home. It amazes me to look back and see this girl who was never wanting to leave her home or adventure to new places voluntarily and now I’ve got this travel bug where I want to push myself out of the comfort zone try new things and see new Places. I mean I’m still terrified and trying to conquer fears but I want to. 🙂 Right now were on our way to camp iron wood for a vacation for the family and my friend and I are planning on going on a trip this summer for a weekish also. And I’m so excited! I want to not just survive life I want to live it and explore. 🙂 

Someone who’s encouraged Mr even when I was the terrified girl was my babysitting boss Morgan. She’s always encouraging to travel, try new things, do new things and explore while I have the freedom of not really being tied down to a job etc. And I’m so thankful for that and her ❤

Where’s places you want to go? Have you been to places on your bucket list?? 🙂 

Peoples Promises

There’s this quote.. from The Fault In Our Stars that Hazel says and it’s one that I’ve come to really understand and kind of love… The quote is this…

ALABAMA (1)

A lot of people don’t understand the promises they make these day’s or the power they now have after making that promise. This can apply to all sorts of promises that people say such as: “I love you”, “I won’t hurt you”, “I’ll always be here”, “I’m never leaving”, “I won’t ever do that again”, “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere”. I mean we could really go on and on about promises people say that they don’t keep. And we all do it sometimes whether it be intentional, or we forgot or  because of circumstances…

But I don’t think everyone always understands either why people sometimes have a hard time believing their promises they make. I’ve had people get upset with me because I wasn’t believing they would keep their promise. It’s not that they themselves didn’t keep promises. It’s the fact that the promises they made such as for instance “I’ll always be there” or “I’m not going anywhere” “I’m never leaving” were always broken. Always. No matter how many times those people tried to reassure me and tell me not to worry that it would never happen. It did and they left and they were people I never thought would break those promises. So it’s not always them themselves that you don’t believe it’s the promises they make.  I’ve been on both ends of this. Being the person (still am) who doesn’t believe someone when they promise such as they will stay as well as the person who isn’t believed when I’ve made a promise because of their past. It hurts on both sides the fact that they don’t give you a chance to believe you and it hurts that we put people in those passions because we are and have been hurt and are terrified to be hurt again.

It’s sad that people come to a point where they can’t believe those who make promises that would keep them because of past people breaking promises or hurting them. Just because someone in the past or the majority of people have hurt you and broken promises etc it doesn’t mean that everyone is like that. But we sometimes will put up walls to see if someone will try to break them down for the right reasons, or we dare someone to prove us wrong because we want to be proven wrong that they will stay, they mean what they say or we mean something to them.

❤ #justrandomthoughts

Why I love Makeup.

Half makeup & half bare skin and beautiful both ways.

I’ve had some comments saying I wear makeup because I’m trying to cover up who I am. But in reality makeup is part of who I am.  I don’t just love it for the colors , looks and to hide imperfections. I love how it can be such an amazing tool in peoples lives and have such impact!  I’ve seen so many stories how makeup has helped people. Stories from girls who have severe acne/ acne scaring or other marks that make them feel insecure about themselves and how makeup helped boost their confidence. No, I am NOT saying that they weren’t or are not beautiful with out makeup. But acne, beauty marks , and etc can have an affect on how you feel about yourself. Especially in this world where perfection is such a pressured look and expectation. Have you ever looked at the youtube comments of beauty videos? If you haven’t there is Hundreds upon Hundreds of comments within the kind and sweet words of fans and subscribers that are horrible, hurtful and bullying comments about how they look.  A good majority of the time now youtubers will end up disabling the comments on videos to avoid the bullying. And going off of bullying, some girls find makeup as a way to deal with bullying both to fight against it by making themselves feel better but also to help be a stress reliever. (Makeup can be quite therapeutic tbh.)  I’ve seen several girls youtube videos on their stories and how makeup helped them through bullying or other things even through life and how it helped them gain a confidence about themselves.

Another way that makeup can be a huge impact in peoples lives is Cancer survivors or people who are struggling with it who have lost all their hair. Yes, they’re still beautiful and you see it and so do I but they don’t always see it let alone feel it. I discussed this with a dear friend of mine and she said how some women or girls would look in the mirror and they will not recognize that person in the mirror. That isn’t “Them” or the person they know.  I’ve seen several videos where a daughter or friend did a makeover on someone who had or was struggling with cancer and they had lost all their hair. Yes, that means eyelashes and eyebrows to keep in mind… And the womens faces after the makeup, false lashes, eyebrows created etc… They we’re GLOWING and their smile was different then the one before because you could tell she felt beautiful or even more beautiful.

For myself personally I used to hate my face. So much acne scaring and acne etc… I loved covering it up and evening out the coloring etc.. But eventually it and learning how taking care of your skin can help you love your skin how it is and so you can be confident with and without makeup.

Those are some of the ways makeup impacts peoples lives.  I love makeup because it can change lives in a sense. That is why I love makeup. Not just for the transforming into other characters and people, the colors, techniques,  covering things up etc… But what it can do and how it can help and make others feel.

Every women is beautiful with and without makeup. And I just wanted to share this. ❤

Pills, pains, and closet’s.

                 **** DISCLAIMER****

I am NOT encouraging drug use or alcohol to try and fix problems, or to try and stop pains etc. Don’t do drugs, don’t take pills unless needed and be wise!

We all take pain meds for when our body’s are Hurting whether it be from broken bones, torn muscles, cramps, soreness, ect. And after taking them they give some relief from the pain. 

I sometimes wish there was a magic pill that could just take the pains from inside away. But we can’t really numb the pains that are inside like a broken heart, broken trust, being left, betrayed, depressed, etc. I mean some people try with drinking  or drug usage but after the drunkenness and the high wear off the pains are still there and they live in this cycle of trying to forget or numb the pain but when they Wake up its there and they try it again. It doesn’t fix things in a way it just kind of makes it worse in a way. Because your not fixing the problem your just prolonging it in a sense. Some people tell me I don’t get it why they do it and I say that isn’t correct. I have some things to I’d give anything to forget or numb the pain But I know that drugs and alcohol won’t fix them and if they do  it’s for the short term and the drugs especially can come with a huge list of horrible side affects or payments for such short term of temporary fixes. 

You cant just forget about the pain or pretend it isnt there that doesnt work because as in the FIOS movie line says 

 “Pain demands to be felt.”

 You can’t keep trying to push it into a closet and forget about it. Like the  “I can’t see you so you cant see me” thing that doesnt work with this. Lol The more you try to shove bad things in your minds closet and use that rule It’s just like the outcome of when my closet had doors and I’d stuff stuff in there and quickly close the door. When you try to  shove the bad stuff  in and quickly close the door it may bust open and everything comes out on top of you at once and that’s just one giant mess. (Aka. So much overload of crap normally leads to meltdowns. Well with me anyways.) So ignoring pain just comes back to get you. I really recommend finding better ways to deal with things. You will heal sometimes it takes longer then others but eventually you will. The atruggles just not to become bitter or hard after being hurt and healed. 

I personally prefer to try and watch Disney happy movies, listen to music partially stuff I can relate to right there and then and some to per me up a bit, read, write and eat some French fries or play with makeup. Do something you enjoy because you need to enjoy and make something good to help you when you feel like crap. 

And also  remember if you have true friends they’re there for you and will help however they can. 

Life’s Roads.

1476411943652.jpgLife’s adventure can sometimes be a smooth highway road with just a few bumps on a beautiful sunny day where you can have the windows down and happy tunes playing and sometimes it’s a highway with potholes that rattle you’re vehicle and make things sound like they’re breaking, in a blizzard where you can hardly see a foot in front of you and your vehicle is wanting to slide off the road and your feeling like you are or might lose control.

Life’s roads are so unpredictable. You could be one of the best drivers and always prepared but an animal pops out or another driver hit’s you and you lose control  and crash.

Sometimes you don’t know which road’s to take. To keep going straight, turn right, or turn left. Sometimes passengers on your trip get off and sometimes you get new ones or you go solo.  However It always sucks when you lose people you care about whether it’s they got off, left, got lost, or are gone. It always hurts especially when those who you thought would always be there with you, leave. Sometimes though, you may have started out both going to the same destination but in time it changes and you both need to take different roads.  And that’s okay. It’s also Okay that it sucks cause that’s life. But instead of trying to forget the memories of the trip try and remember them and keep them they don’t have to be something bad. And sometimes you will both meet up again later on. You can’t know life’s road it doesn’t come with instructions or a map on what’s going to happen. You just have to go with what happens and make the most of it and keep going even if it sucks or you need to take a small pit stop break to re gather yourself or rest. It’s Okay.

 

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